


All Through Her Life

by Beth_Penrose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, a little bit of angst a little bit of fluff, also a little bit of me exorcising my own demons through her, leia organa deserves better tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23075680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Penrose/pseuds/Beth_Penrose
Summary: A more in depth look at Leia's life in the moments we don't necessarily see.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title's a placeholder. This has been sitting on my hard drive forever, but it's international women's day, so I'm finally motivated to post it. Please tell me what you think!

Leia hadn’t planned on running into Luke that night. In fact, she didn’t know what she was planning. She just knew that after the noise and joy of the commendation ceremony the silence and emptiness of her chambers was smothering. For a few hours she tried to sleep. But every time she closed her eyes she saw the bright explosion of Alderaan against the darkness behind her eyelids. When she finally accepted that sleep wasn’t going to be attainable she rolled over on her side and hoped to pass the time staring at the blankness of her chamber wall. But in the silence she could swear she heard it just over her shoulder, the same heavy, mechanical breathing that lurked behind her on the bridge. Shooting into a sitting position, she was almost surprised that there was no hulking figure of Darth Vader. Her hands gripped the edge of her bed grounding herself in the cool feel of the solid metal. Her breathing was heavy, as if she’d just run a mile. And in the empty chamber it was almost as deafening as the breathing she thought she had heard just moments ago. Shaking her head, as if to clear it of phantom monsters, she bolted to her feet. She couldn’t do this. Sitting alone, hearing enemies who weren’t there. She would go crazy if she tried to spend the night in this room, of that she was certain.

Leia threw on a robe over her nightdress and attempted to put her hair in a haphazard braid. The last thing she did before leaving the chamber was to reach into a cabinet to grab a half dusty bottle of whiskey- probably an artifact of the room’s last inhabitant. It occurred to her as she stumbled down the hall that she didn’t present the most dignified of images- the princess, wandering the ship like a tousled, underdressed ghost. Not that she could expect many people up and about at this hour. _Besides,_ she thought wryly, _it’s not like I’m princess of much these days._ The thought caused tears to prick at the corners of her eyes. She was so busy frantically swiping them away that she didn’t notice Luke until he was only a few yards away.

“Princess, are you okay?” Startled out of her own dark thoughts, Leia instinctively nodded. But the openness and genuine concern in Luke’s expression jolted something suddenly lose in her. She felt her face crumple first, then her body, like she was a marionette whose strings had finally been cut. She fell herself falling, or maybe it was the floor that was rushing up towards her. She couldn’t tell through the tears. All she could see was Luke’s concern as he jolted towards her, catching her before she hit the ground. “Okay, okay,” he murmured as soon as she was steady in his arms. _God, he was strong. Must be all that farm work._ “Let’s get you out of here.”

With Luke’s help Leia managed to stumble her way to his chamber. Once there, he helped her settle into a seat at a table near the center of the room. Plucking away the bottle of whiskey still clutched in one of her hands, he poured them both a glass. However, as soon as a shot amount hit the bottom of his glass, he threw the whole thing back, not making eye contact until he tapped it back onto the table. More cautiously, Leia picked up her own glass and began sipping. The amber liquid burned going down, but she was thankful for the way it warmed and grounded her. When she thought she would be able to speak again without her voice trembling Leia set the glass down and cleared her throat.

“Thank you, Luke, Commander,” she added, remembering the title he had received just earlier that day. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s been a rough day.” Leia’s first reaction was to recoil from the empathy in his voice. She was Leia Organa, princess of Alderaan. She needed no one’s pity. Except that there was no more Alderaan. No more Organas, save for her. The reminder of her parents sent another wave of grief through her, though this time she managed to tamp it down with only a grimace.

“You’re right,” she acknowledged. “But that’s no excuse. I should… I’m a leader. People expect more of me.”

“You’ve already done more than anyone could expect,” he insisted. But that burrowing worm of guilt had already made its home in her gut, rising in her throat like poison.

“Tell that to Alderaan,” she muttered. “Tell that to everyone I failed to save.” When Luke reached out to take her hand a jolt shot through Leia she hadn’t been expecting, had never felt before. When she looked into his eyes she felt a something new, a tug in her gut she didn’t recognize and that somehow felt achingly familiar. She pulled away, startled. Luke didn’t let that deter him.

“My aunt and uncle took me in and raised me when they didn’t have to. They were everything to me. And the one time I wasn’t there Vader and the Empire killed them. And I keep thinking that if I hadn’t left home that morning, if I had just been there, I would have been able to save them. That’s the burden of the survivor. But, Leia, look at me,” despite the grief feeling like it was weighing her down she dragged her gaze to meet his again. Again, that electric shock. What about him felt, despite their physical differences, like looking in a mirror? “You didn’t kill them.” Those were the words that finally got through to her. He was right. She was the lone survivor of Alderaan and for that she knew she would carry guilt until the day she died. But she no longer felt the profound shame. That was replaced with a deep and burning _rage._ Luke was right, she didn’t kill her home planet. Darth Vader, Grand Moff Tarkin, the Empire, they did. And in that moment she was certain of one thing, as certain as she’d been of anything in her life: she wanted to see them all burn. The intensity of the anger was so overpowering she wasn’t even scared of it, even though a part of her knew that she should be.

“Tarkin,” she choked the name out. Just the sound of it brought back the memory of standing on that bridge, his smirk as he gave the order to destroy her planet, the way that he had made sure she knew she was helpless to do anything about it. “He was on the Death Star when it blew. You killed him.” Luke flinched at her words. So, he still wasn’t used to being a soldier, was still uncomfortable with having taken lives. That was something that he would have to adjust to quickly. And it wasn’t something the anger growing in her would allow pity for. “I wish I had been there to see it.”

She expected Luke to be afraid of the vitriol in her voice, to pull away. It was something she’d seen a dozen times before, to a lesser degree. When she’d spoken too sharply in the junior senate or snapped at anyone who questioned her for her youth. But none of those minor irritations had compared to her rage now. And yet, Luke didn’t withdraw. He just nodded.

“I understand. And believe me, Vader hasn’t escaped for long.” Darth Vader. That hulking figure, more machine than man, haunted her as much as Tarkin ever had. Leia knew that he’d survived the attack on the Death Star, but the reminder sent white hot pangs through her. But what was even surprising was the certainty in Luke’s voice. It was devoid of the acid her tone carried, but it left little doubt of his conviction, either. “We will find him, and then we will kill him, for all he’s taken. From both of us.”

Leia nodded, the rage sated by his promises, at least for now. It had no doubt that Luke was true to his word, and relished the idea of seeing Vader dead. What she was left with wasn’t peace, not even close. But it wasn’t choking her either.

Over the course of the next few hours they emptied the bottle of whiskey, both of them stumbling and slurring by the time they were done. Leia offered to make her way back to her chambers, though she still didn’t want to be alone and was secretly relieved when Luke refused to allow it. When he tried to sleep on the floor she refused _that_ , insisting there was room on his bed for the both of them. And that’s how the two of them fell asleep, back to back but fingers interlocked in that promise that they would get their justice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kudos! Here's the next chapter! I'm going to do my best to update every Sunday. Of course, any feedback you have would definitely be great.

“Look, there’s another one,” Han’s finger pointed at a pinprick light, just barely visible through the massive tree branches, which streaked across the night sky before blinking out. Leia followed it with her eyes, amazed again by Endor’s beauty. Han’s other hand was in hers, thumb stroking over her skin almost absentmindedly. When she breathed in she could smell the campfires from the celebration below them, the burning smell wafting up like a hearty offering. In the distance music played and people laughed. But they seemed leagues away from the two of them, lying on the boardwalk and watching the stars.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It is.” But when she turned to look at him, Leia saw that he was staring at her. Her cheeks reddened and she looked away, hoping he wouldn’t notice in the dark. Off the side of the boardwalk, several feet below, Luke tousled with an ewok. With golden hair highlighted by the firelight he looked like an angel. Despite the way her heart swelled when she saw him- _her brother_ \- it also tightened when she thought of their conversation earlier that day.

_The first thing Luke had done after stepping off his fighter had been to sweep her up into an embrace. She had buried her face into his chest, breathing him in and holding him tight. It was when she had looked up again, over his shoulder, that she had seen it, the body of Darth Vader. She recoiled, feeling the familiar fear wash over her._

_“What is that?” Luke started explaining what had happened, how Vader and the Emperor had tried to get him to turn, how when he’d refused the Emperor had ordered to him to kill Luke. As he was speaking she had started to walk towards the body. The stark details, the harsh lines of the helmet and suit were just like she remembered from when he had held her captive, both on the Death Dtar and in Bespin. She’d never felt anything but terror when she’d seen that dark form. She crouched beside it, reaching out with tentative fingers to let them brush against the metal chest plate. She half expected the body to startle back to life and attack them both. Luke went on to tell her how Vader had saved him and ultimately died doing so. At those words, she felt a stony resolve fall over her_

_“Good,” she’d simply said, rising to her feet._

_“Leia,” the concern in Luke’s voice was palpable, as if she had been the one taken by the Empire just earlier that day. “Our father is dead.” Internally, she flinched at the way he referred to that man, Darth Vader. But she knew her expression was impassive when she replied._

_“No, my father died on Alderaan. When the Empire killed him and Darth Vader watched.”_

_“I understand how you feel. He took everything from me, too, remember? But he was redeemed at the end. He was Anakin Skywalker.” She forced down the bitterness welling in her throat before turning back to Luke. Her relationship with her brother still felt new and she couldn’t afford to lose him to her anger, not when she’d already lost so much. She reached out for his hands. They seemed large compared to hers. Only one of them was covered with the scars of battle and farm labor. The other was fresh, still unmarked. She knew that he was right, that he had lost to the Empire, too. Which made it even harder for her to understand what he was saying. She sighed before replying._

_“I love you, Luke. And any way that you were able to get back to me I’m thankful for. But don’t ask me to forgive him. I can’t. And I never will.”_

Han’s hand stroking her hair broke her out of her reverie. She jumped, still not accustomed to someone touching her so tenderly.

“It’s alright,” he comforted her. When she didn’t say anything he tentatively rubbed her neck. She was surprised by how gentle his smuggler’s hands were. She turned to look at him. His dark eyes were questioning, wondering what troublesome thoughts were running through her mind. She knew in that moment that if she told him the full truth of who she was he might hate her. She also knew she had to tell him anyways. In the inches between them, as they lay beneath the night sky, she whispered her confession. When she was done there was the briefest moment of silence as he took in the truth. His surprise, though, was quickly replaced with that crooked smile. “So, tell me again what you were worried about telling me?” She knew he was teasing her, but she couldn’t believe the words he was saying, the trust in his eyes.

“Don’t you understand?” she insisted, somehow worried that he wasn’t comprehending what she was saying. “Darth Vader is- was- my father.” The words still felt like poison and she had to look away when she said them. When she was able to meet his gaze again the love and tenderness in them floored her.

“Yeah, I understand. And, sweetheart, I understand that has nothing to do with you or who you are.” She could see that he meant it so sincerely, so completely, that relief flooded through her and she released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “Now come here.” He tilted her face to meet his, their lips locking perfectly for a brief and wonderous moment. When they separated he pulled her into an embrace. Fitting perfectly into the crook of his arm, she nestled into his shoulder. Overhead, another shooting star flickered across the night sky.

“Just promise me one thing.” She barely spoke louder than a whisper, and for all she knew Han had fallen asleep. But the next moment he replied.

“Right now? Anything.” Leia thought of all the times she’d felt her temper rise too quickly, all the times she’d reacted out of fear and pain. She remembered being on the bridge of the Death Star with Tarkin and Vader and knowing- _knowing-_ that if she’d had a weapon neither of them would have made it out alive. And neither of them would have been granted a quick death.

“Promise me I’m nothing like him.” Without hesitating he replied.

“Sweetheart, you couldn’t be like him if you tried.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh so here you go, lovelies. Now is as good time as any to mention that I've seen the movies and read the Claudia Grey books, but not much else. So if anything I write contradicts something in the EU or whatever, sorry not sorry.

The moment Leia Organa woke up she felt an electric tingle run up and down her spine. This was it, _the_ day. She jolted up in bed, practically vibrating with anticipation. Next to her, Han lay, still sleeping. _Best to let him sleep,_ she thought. _After all, it’s his big day, too. He’ll need his rest now._ Carefully, she extracted herself from the sheets and made her way across the room to the glass double doors that led to a balcony. The most beautiful view Leia had ever seen was on Alderaan, from her palace window when she was young. But the view from their apartment on Coruscant was breathtaking in its own right, the early morning rays of light dancing off of a forest of glass and steel in a way that nearly stole Leia’s breath away. Around her the sounds of the city coming awake, the shouts of people greeting each other and the low hum of machinery, created a certain comforting melody. For everyone else on this world this was just another day. For her this day was everything.

Leia jumped when she felt two arms wrap around her, until she recognized the strength and warmth characteristic of Han. Even now, years after the defeat the Empire, she still wasn’t used to being surprised, and it took the deliberate act of reminding herself that she was safe, that the person holding her wasn’t a storm trooper delivering her to Darth Vader. Slowly, she allowed herself to sink back against Han’s chest.

“So,” he murmured, nuzzling his face against the top of her head, “This is the day.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Last chance to run.” Though Leia’s tone was light, joking, it held a more serious note to it. They both knew what sort of elements made a smuggler and a scallywag like Han Solo. And that none of them were commitment. Gripping her shoulders lightly, Han turned Leia around to face him.

“Hey, sweetheart. Look at me. I ain’t running.” He pulled her close, and she relished, as she often did, how well their bodies fit together, her head tucked into his chest. “Besides,” he joked, “how could I pass up the chance to be the next Mr. Organa?”

Later that day found Leia in her dressing room. Behind her Amilyn Holdo was braiding her hair into the intricate bridal style traditionally used in an Alderaanian wedding, occasionally referring to a holo screen beside her for guidance. Leia paid little attention to her, though, instead taking in her reflection in the mirror in front of her. Anyone who saw her would know she looked beautiful. Her gown was a replica of her own mother’s wedding dress, based off of photographs that Leia had grown up looking at. As illogical as she knew it was, Leia looked for traces of Breha Organa in her face now. Something in her eyes, in the tug of her lips. But there was nothing, because of course there wasn’t. The Organas were gone, save for her. And as much as she loved her parents and considered herself their child, there was nothing physical of them left in this galaxy. And that… that was not what they deserved. Leia instinctively patted at her now moist eyes with the sleeve of the gown. When she looked down, the fabric was now marred by the dark brown of her makeup. Unable to contain it any more, the tears started to fall with abandon. Amilyn stopped what she was doing to come around and pull Leia into an embrace.

“Shush, my dear. Shhh…” She patted Leia’s hair as she cried. Leia thought about her parents. About space dust, which they had all come from, and which they had been reduced to in the most literal ways. This was her wedding day, the best day of her life. And yet… when it was clear the tears weren’t abating, Amilyn released Leia to hand her a tissue. “I’m going to go get your brother, alright?” Leia nodded, unable to speak through her tears.

A few minutes later, Amilyn returned, trailed by Luke. The three of them sat together for several minutes, Luke and Amilyn each holding on of Leia’s hands, until she was able to slow the crying to a trickle.

“Leia, what’s wrong?” Luke finally asked. “Is it Han? Did he do something?” Luke wasn’t inclined to macho posturing, and they’d never had the traditional sibling dynamic. But in that moment he looked every bit the protective brother. Leia shook her head.

“No,” she responded, hating the tremble in her voice. “I just… I started thinking about my parents. I wish they could have been here. I wish you could have met them. Luke, they were the best people I ever knew. They deserved to see this.” Behind her, Amilyn seemed to perk up slightly, as if something had just occurred to her.

“I- I’ll be right back,” she stammered. She planted a kiss on Leia’s head and gave her hand one final squeeze before exiting the room. For a moment, Luke and Leia watched where she had made her abrupt exit. Then, they turned back to each other. Luke took Leia’s other hand, facing her as he did so.

“Leia, try something with me. Close your eyes.” She did so. In the dark she could feel his skin on hers, feel their breathing. “Now, reach out with the Force.” Luke was stronger with the Force than she was, he was the Jedi. But she had gone through enough training of her own to know how to extend her senses, to open her spirit to it. “See if you can feel them.”

“Luke, that’s not how-”

“Shush, just try it.” She evened her breathing to a slow, steady, pace. _In. Out._ Outside she could sense the guests, already milling around and taking their seats. A hum of anticipation radiated from them. _In. Out._ On the other side of the building was a stronger feeling, a white hot ball of nervousness and excitement and pure joy. Han. _In. Out._ She pushed further. And then drew the sense back into herself. And there, in her own heart, she felt it. A stirring. It wasn’t the same as when the ghost of an old Jedi was near. But it was something strong none the less. She could feel the seeds that Bail and Breha had planted in her, growing and blossoming. Tears pricked at the edges of her eyes. But this time they were bittersweet. Her parents were gone but part of them remained in her. And that part would guide her today towards a brighter future, one of healing. She opened her eyes, meeting Luke’s expectant gaze. She smiled in response and nodded.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

“Well, almost ready,” he laughed, gesturing towards her half finished braids. “Here, let me help.”

Three hours later Leia stood in the back of the auditorium. The assembled crowd rose at the first sight of her, and a traditional Alderaanian hymn started playing from a stringed instrument. Even from the back of the enormous room she could see Han at the front. His face lit up when their eyes met, and the wonderment and awe was clear to see. It filled her with warmth. She took the first step, then the next, carefully keeping pace with the music. As she passed the row of seats in the front, she saw two empty seats closest to the aisle. And suddenly Leia realized why Amilyn had left so suddenly. She had added to seats for her parents, ones with a perfect view of the ceremony. Catching her best friends eye she grinned and mouthed _Thank you_. Amilyn just nodded serenely back.

The rest of the ceremony went smoothly, with Han and Leia reciting the prescripted words. When it came time to exchange the vows they’d written themselves Han went first.

“Well, if the kids could back on Corellia could see me now.” A chuckle derived from the audience and Han glanced quickly down. He almost looked _bashful_? The idea drew a smirk to Leia’s lips. “Seriously, though, Princess. Who you are, who you’re going to be, I love it. Every part of it. And I can’t wait to spend every day of my life finding out more about who that person is and loving her.” A few tears of joy slipped down Leia’s cheeks.

“I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much in one day, Han Solo,” she began. Well, that wasn’t true, but she didn’t want to think about the dark days following Alderaan’s destruction. Not now. “But I know I love you. I love that you’re a smuggler from Corellia. I love that you’re a rebellion hero. And I love that you’re going to be my husband. So let’s stop talking, alright? And let’s be married already.” The audience laughed at that. Mon Mothma, officiating the ceremony, declared them husband and wife, and when their lips met she felt every promise, every second of their future in that kiss. And when they separated she swore she had never felt love like that. She knew, taking his hand and walking down the aisle together, that they would be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! Anyways, I wrote this this afternoon so I hope you like it, and pretty pretty please tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm the worst. Mental illness is a bitch. BTW, this chapter delves a bit more deeply into trauma that Leia's dealt with, specifically with her torture aboard the death star. So if the PTSD of that is too much, choose how to engage.

Leia hated this event. As the ship landed on Delrian other senators looked out the windows, taking in the view of the planet. She pointedly looked down at her holopad, her eyes scanning some report without really comprehending it. As a member of the senate corrections committee she was required to take this yearly visit to the prison planet to assess security and inmate treatment. This was her eighth trip to Delrian. That didn’t mean her heart didn’t beat harder every time. The ship landed and as a group the senators disembarked. As the large metal gates to the main prison open Leia felt her hands start to tremble. She stuffed them into the pockets of her jacket, hoping no one else noticed. That was all she needed, to look weak in front of the other senators. But as they stepped into the large reception area and were scanned for weapons or contraband it was so easy to picture the guards in the stark white armor of storm troopers. As one of them gave her a perfunctory pat down, she struggled to keep her breath even, remembering the harsh hands of the Empire’s soldiers dragging her down a nondescript corridor similar to the one she was about to enter.

“Everything alright?” Leia startled at the sound of Tai Lin Garr’s voice over her shoulder, just low enough for her to hear.

“That obvious?” She muttered back tersely.

“Just because we’ve been friends so long,” He assured her.

“Well, let’s just say I’ll be glad when we’re leaving this planet behind us.”

“You know, you don’t have to be on corrections if you don’t want to. You could easily get reassigned…” She shook her head. Leia knew she had to stay on the committee precisely to take these annual tours. After seeing first hand how the Empire had treated their prisoners she knew someone had to make sure that the New Republic never stooped to those measures, to _torture_. She repressed a shudder at the memory.

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured Tai Lin, hoping that her tone was convincing enough. It must have been because he gave her a reassuring smile and didn’t press the matter further.

The tour guide, a guard who barely looked old enough to be there, took them through the mess hall, the exercise yard, the medical wing. When they were shown an empty sample cell Leia stayed near the rear of the group. Her blood pumped harder in her veins as the memories knocked at the door of her mind. Clenching her hands into fists, digging her nails into the skin of her palms, she fought them back. Still she could swear that if she dared looking around the corner of the cell she’d see a young girl, clad in white, lying on a cot and wondering if she dared hope for a rescue. Leia didn’t release her breath until the tour guide shut the cell door and they moved on.

The group was making their way back to the entrance when the wail of a siren jolted Leia out of her darker thoughts. The main lights flickered, then fell off entirely plunging them all into darkness. Darkness, as deep and unending as the black Darth Vader had left her in more than once in her cell on the Death Star. A darkness that one could lose their own mind in, if they weren’t careful. Like she had all those years ago, Leia began to count to herself, anything to keep her sanity in the void.

“One,” she whispered shakily. “Two. Three…” At _seven_ the emergency lights came on, washing the group in a sickly yellow. And that was when she heard it. The grinding of metal. Then shouts, stomping feet, bodies scraping and pushing. She glanced to the other senators to see if they’d heard it, too, and the terror on their faces told her they had. The prisoners were free.

All it took was a split second for Princess Leia, the traumatized little girl that lived in her mind, to vanish, and Leia Organa, the rebellion fighter, took her place. Grabbing, whoever was closest, Leia began shoving them towards the sample cell they had just left. When she tugged at the gate it opened with little resistance. So, the locks had definitely been disengaged throughout the prison. The thought would make her nauseous if the rebel in her hadn’t been used to processing bad information. At the end of the hallway a door slid open, the dim lights illuminating a group of figures. From this distance Leia could make out that they were an assortment of species, all dressed in the prisoners’ uniforms, and carrying blasters and batons, likely stolen from guards.

“Come on,” Leia whispered to the other senators and aids, rushing them into the cell. She turned to the tour guide. “How do we lock these doors?” When he met her eyes she knew. “It has to be sealed from outside.” He nodded. The throng of escaped prisoners was drawing closer, letting out an assortment of hisses, jeers, and crows. Someone was dragging a baton along the cell bars. It was clear that whoever was going to seal that door, protecting the others, was going to be left unprotected from the threatening mass. There wasn’t even time for Leia’s gut to twist with fear as she made her decision. The crowd of senators and aids finished entering the cell, the tour guide making up the tail. “Get in,” Leia urged, but the man just shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Senator.”

“For wh-“ Before Leia could even finish asking the question he grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her into the cell. As she caught her balance and began rushing back to the door he mashed the keys on the pad outside furiously. The gate clanged shut by the time Leia reached it, grabbing the bars in her hands. He shot the keypad, ensuring that it couldn’t be opened again that way. “What are you doing?”

“My job, ma’am.” Leia looked into his blue eyes. They were so young. And so afraid. But beneath the fear was a steeled certainty. She had seen the same expression in dozens of young soldiers, men and women who knew what they were facing and were determined to do so anyways. She nodded.

“What’s your name?”

“Jax, ma’am. Jax Fendel.” He reached between the bars, handing her the blaster from his waistband. “I know who you are, Senator, so I assume you know how to use this?”

“Yes, but what about you?”

“I’ll have my baton, ma’am. And it will be better for you to have it. To protect the others.” Reluctantly, Leia took the blaster.

“Thank you, Jax. And godspeed.” _May the Force be with you,_ she thought. He nodded.

“And to you, too.” They shared one last look before he started running the opposite direction. Leia hoped that he would get out, would find a way to safety. She had sent too many young soldiers to their deaths and had hoped those days were behind her. Forcing herself to focus on the moment at hand, she turned back to the group of senators and aids. They were huddled in a corner. Some looked angry, others scared, and a few just confused. Leia felt her own panic rising. With the door locked behind her, and danger approaching, the flashbacks were coming again. _Locked in that cell, hearing Vader just outside the door, not knowing what he would do to her this time. And, in the corner, she could swear she was seeing that girl in the white dress again._ _“He’s coming,” the girl warned. “He wants to know where the Rebels are.” But Leia knew that wasn’t all. She remembered the way that pain had coursed through her body, leaving her writhing on the floor. “He wants to hurt you.”_ Leia dug her fingers into her skin, grounding herself in the present. No, she couldn’t focus on those memories. Lives depended on what she did next.

“Can anyone get a signal out? Call for help?” Someone shook her head.

“No, all communication is down.” Leia groaned. The crowd of prisoners was only a few meters away now.

“What should we do?” asked Tai-Linn. His expression was one of determined calm. Leia thanked the stars that another rebellion member was here with her.

“We need to get everyone back,” she instructed. Quickly, analytically, she scanned the room. The space was small enough that there wasn’t any part not visible to someone standing at the bars. Which means that they were all within blasterfire range. She looked towards two of the only pieces of furniture, a metal cot and table. She remembered something Jax had mentioned during the tour, that in a normal cell they would be bolted down, but that no one had bothered here. “Okay, somebody take the bed and the table, tip them up this way. We need to form a barricade.” Leia had been prepared to have to argue, to sway political rivals. But they weren’t on the Senate floor now, they were in real danger. And whether it was the blaster in her hand or the look in her eye that did it, they scurried to do as she said. “Good, now everyone get behind them.” Leia had been worried that the furniture wouldn’t be big enough to shelter all of them, but with enough squeezing they managed to all be blocked. Now the crowd was outside.

“I saw the guard go that way, go after him,” a voice commanded. Leia peeked around the edge of the table to see three beings peel away from the crowd. That left a half dozen or so. More than Leia could pick off with her one weapon without them taking return fire. She cursed silently. “Hello in there,” the same man called in his raspy voice. He was a Dug, loose skin hanging in folds around his face. There was a scuffling from the group of senators, but thankfully everyone was either smart or scared enough to keep quiet. “You’re the group of pretty little senators, right? Here from the big, flashy capital, right?” Again, no response. “Fine, you don’t need to talk. Just know, as long as we got you, we’re getting out of here safe.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Leia knew it was a risk to engage. But someone had to do something. Plus, as long as she wasn’t acting the memories were assaulting her again. _Cowering in a corner of the cell as the door opened, unable to breathe when she saw the dark figure in the doorway. “Don’t hurt us,” the girl in the white dress begged. “Please.”_ “If you stay here with us you’re just going to be trapped. But if you leave now you can get halfway across the galaxy before anyone else even knows you’re out.”

“Who are you?” Demanded the leader. Beside her Leia could see the other captives. Some were crying, some appeared to be praying.

“I’m Senator Leia Organa. And I can help you out here. But you’re best bet is to get out as soon as possible.” For a second, Leia wondered if she had managed to convince them. But a moment later the leader responded, and by the anger in his voice Leia knew she had misjudged the situation.

“Maybe we could do that, _Senator Leia Organa,_ ” He spat out, “But why would we when we’ve got you right here? You know, we could actually have some real fun.” So that was it. He wasn’t as concerned with escaping as he was with screwing with the senators. Maybe he was a revolutionary opposed to the New Republic, maybe he was just a sadist. Either way, they were all in more danger than Leia had originally thought. She knew from experience that there was no reasoning with a man like that. And with no one even knowing that there was a problem, there was little hope of rescue in the near future. Which meant that she’d have to find a way out besides brunt force _or_ bargaining. There was one thing she could try, a trick she’d seen Luke perform a few different times. Closing her eyes she focused on one of the more restless hostage takers, a stout woman near the back. She reached out to the woman’s essence, trying to connect. When she spoke, it was she tried to making it as if she was talking to the other woman in particular.

“You need to get out of here now, before backup comes.” Leia felt something, a slight give in the energies.

“Hey, maybe she’s right,” the other woman said nervously. “We need to get out of here now.”

“Shut up,” snapped the Dug. Leia tried again, this time, with someone with long fur that covered their face.

“You need to leave while you still can.”

“Shut up!” Snapped the leader. He discharged his blaster into the table near Leia’s head, causing the group of prisoners to jump.

“What are you doing?” Someone hissed. Leia ignored them.

“We need to leave while we still can,” the creature with the fur muttered, shuffling towards the door.

“You stop there!” The Dug hollered. But the other prisoner didn’t. There was the flash of a blaster as the leader shot them in the back. And then the next moments were chaos as the escaped prisoners turned on each other, weapons firing and fists flying.

“Stay down!” Leia commanded the group of senators, though nobody had to be told twice. When the noise seemed to abate some she dared peaking around. The only escaped prisoner still standing was the Dug. When he looked at her now it was with fear.

“Who are you?”

Barely thinking, Leia unloaded her blaster into his head and watched him drop to the ground. Confident that everyone else had fled or was dead, she stood up and rushed to the cell door. “We need to get out of here before more come. Everyone stand back. The others obeyed, and she let out a round of blaster fire into the door’s lock. It melted quickly, allowing her to pull the door open.

As they hurried down the hall, Leia couldn’t help but pause to look at the bodies. All that carnage, because of her. And she’d barely fired a shot. She didn’t know if that terrified or impressed her. Maybe both. _She glanced back at the cell and saw the girl in the white dress one more time. But this time she was smiling. “You did it.”_

Shaking herself out of her thoughts she led the group down the hall, blaster in front of her, until they were out of the prison and back to the ship. Grateful, the Senators and aids started rushing towards it. Leia was about to do the same when she heard a groan. She turned to see Jax, the guard, curled up on the ground.

“Jax!” she exclaimed rushing towards him. She fell to her knees, examining his injuries. “What happened to you?”

“Blaster fire,” he answered, indicating a wound in his side. “Got me good, they did.”

“Not good enough,” Leia answered wryly. “We’re getting you out of here.” She called to Tai Linn, who hurried over to help her lift the guard. Between the three of them, they managed to hobble him onto the ship, and seconds after they were aboard it was taking off.

The first thing she’d done when she got a holo signal Leia had called Han. He was outraged, scared for her, and proud, she could tell. But she was just tired, the adrenaline wearing off.

“I just miss you,” she confessed. “Can you come home tonight?” She knew it was a lot to ask. He had a big race in the morning. But he didn’t hesitate.

“Of course. I’ll see you tonight.”

The hours waiting for Han in her apartment weren’t easy. He wasn’t back until nearly midnight, and she had plenty of time to think, to be attacked by the memories of being held captive in a tiny cell. But the second the door to their apartment opened, it was like it was the first time she was seeing Han all over again. Leia threw herself into his arms, feeling them wrap around her. Like safety. Like home. It was there that she allowed herself to collapse for the first time that day. And she fell asleep, crying, and listening to Han telling her how proud of her he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It still feels a little rough, but I enjoyed writing it. As always, I love your feedback, and it totally motivates me to write more often.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos I got on the last chapter! I know it's been a couple of weeks, but I'm glad to get this one up. Fluff isn't really my strong suite, but after last chapter I think we all deserve it. And I think it turned out okay, so please enjoy!

Leia had been through a lot. In her years she had experienced loss and triumph. She had felt the peak of joy and the worst of sorrows. She had assumed that no emotional experience could surprise her anymore. She had been wrong. As she looked down at the newborn infant in her arms Leia Organa realized she was feeling something entirely new. It was more than love. Love was what she felt for Han, and for Luke. And that was the truest thing she had felt so far, but this- this was somehow even more profound. This touched a depth in her soul she hadn’t known existed. This child was new and bright and perfect. And he was vulnerable.

She had carried him inside of her, a piece of her. And now that piece was in the world. It was as terrifying as if one of her organs had been expelled from her and she now held it close. _My heart,_ she thought. _He’s my heart, made into a new life._

_When she’d first found out she was pregnant she’d stared at the test results on her holopad for hours. She’d been trained to read data quickly, to take it in, process it, and make a decision all in the blink of an eye. But this- this she couldn’t wrap her mind around. She couldn’t begin to figure out how to tell Han. They had talked about this, sure. And they were both all too aware of their aging bodies. But those conversations had always ended more or less the same- with Han joking “Besides, could you see me as a dad?” And they’d both laugh and go back to whatever they’d been doing. Leia suspected that he joked not as a way to deflect from his own insecurities but to protect hers. Because Han may not have the same intuition she did, but he didn’t need the Force to know Leia. And he knew that deep down, the idea of passing along the same genetics that had made Darth Vader terrified her. The last time they’d had that familiar conversation, though, she’d flipped the script._

_“Besides, could you see me as a dad?”_

_“Yeah, I could.” She taken his hand when she’d said it. It was an invitation, the beginning of a promise. But the potential, the talking about it, was very different from the tet results facing her. How the hell was she going to tell Han?_

_In the end she hadn’t had to. He’d walked in on her, several hours later, the holopad stll projected into the space in front of her._

_“Hey, honey, I’m-“ He’d stopped when he’d seen her there. Darkness had fallen in the room, and she was sure she presented a perplexing sight. When she didn’t respond to him Hand had rushed to her side._ Shows how often I’m speechless, _she’d thought. “Leia, what’s wrong? Is it Luke?” she’d shook her head and mutely pointed to the display. Slowly he’d turned from her to the read out, clearly expecting the worst- whatever that may mean. As he read the display, she studied his face carefully, looking for flashes of she wasn’t sure what. The moment comprehension hit was impossible to miss, as a wide smile spread across his face. “You’re pregnant?” Despite his grin, Leia’s nerves had refused to settle._

_“I don’t have to be. We have so much going on, with the senate, and your career taking you away so often. There’s so much-“_

_“Hey, sweetheart.” He’d cut her off. He’d lifted one hand to her throat, thumb rubbing along her cheek. She swallowed hard before meeting his gaze. An excitement danced there she’d only seen a few times before- on their wedding day, when he’d tried a particularly difficult move in the_ Falcon, _when he had realized that he- not Luke- was the love of her life. “Do you want this?” it was a simple question, only four words, and Leia Organa was not known for her indecision. Still, she’d hesitated. When she thought of it, her and Han and children, a family like one she hadn’t known in a long time, she didn’t think she’d ever wanted anything more. But it was still there: that nagging fear she’d had since she was twenty years old and found out the truth about her father. It was the fear that one day she’d wake up and that would be the day she turned to the Dark Side. How could she pass that legacy on to a child? As if he could read her thoughts Han had gently guided Leia’s face up so that they were mere inches apart. “Hey, this isn’t Vader’s child. It’s mine, and yours. And your parents- your real parents- gave you everything you need to be a great mom. If you want.” Leia had nodded, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes._

_“Yes, yes I do.”_

Now, as she looked down at the infant in her arms she knew she’d made the right decision. Her thoughts briefly wandered to her birth mother. Had she held her at all before she’d died? Had she had any time to have prayers or wishes for her children the way Leia did for the baby she held? Leia couldn’t help thinking that she had been wrong before. He wasn’t her heart. Because Leia Organa’s heart had scars, and bruises still healing. It shared rent with both light and darkness. It had been born to this galaxy by the labor of a dying woman she’d never know. This child was none of that. “And you never will be,” she promised, her voice a whisper to not wake the newborn. “I swear on all the stars, I will protect you.” A soft knock on her hospital door interrupted Leia’s thoughts. Han entered, carrying a tray of various fruits and juices.

“How are you doing?” Leia hadn’t thought her husband could look this nervous, and it made her laugh softly.

“I’m fine.” Han put the tray down on a nearby table.

“And what about…” He gestured to their child, whose eyes were fluttering between waking and sleeping.

“Oh, you know. He’s had a big day.” Now that he was standing over them, the apprehension had vanished from Han’s expression and it was replaced by the most love Leia had ever seen on his face.

“Look at him, Leia.” His voice was hardly above a whisper, as if even speaking too loudly might ruin the picture in front of him.

“I know,” she replied warmly. “He’s perfect. He’s ours.” Leia reached out and took her husband’s hand, guiding it gently to their son’s face, allowing him to gently trace the outline of his sleeping form. She thought he might make a quip of some sort, something about the child having his eyes. Instead he was speechless. And if that was a rare occurrence for Leia Organa it was nearly unheard of in Han Solo.

And, like that, any uncertainty Leia had remaining vanished. She may doubt her own genes, her ability in the Force, the blood running through her veins, but she would never doubt her husband’s love. Not for her and certainly not for their son. And the child was half that love, too.

She was so enraptured by the sight of Han and the baby that she almost didn’t feel the familiar presence of Luke enter the room. She didn’t look up, but when he placed his hand on her shoulder, she settled against it in a slight movement someone less sensitive wouldn’t have noticed.

“Say hello to your nephew,” She whispered. When she glanced back at her brother, Leia saw nearly as much happiness on his face as was on Han’s.

“Hello,” He replied softly, causing both Leia and Han to give up a little laugh. The child stirred briefly before settling back into sleep. “Have you chosen a name yet?” Han and Leia exchanged a glance, and Leia could see the excitement dancing there. Luke would love this. She bit her lip in a grin before replying.

“Yes. His name is Ben.” The joy coming from her brother, already obvious, became palpable. “After the reason we all met.”

“Ben,” Luke repeated. “It’s perfect.” Han chuckled, before reaching out to jostle Luke’s shoulder.

“You and me, Luke, we got a real job now. We’ve gotta protect this kid. No matter what.” Luke nodded in agreement.

“Always. No matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If so, (and even if you didn't and want to tell me so) I could use the feedback!


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